My internet is half the time though. I've disappeared from the internet almost completely because comcast sucks. I will be moving at the end of August though and will have a new provider. Even if my internet were working my AS is kind of kicking my ass so I'm usually too tired to sit up anyway.

Major events of late:
Elton John Billy Joel concert: amazing
I has a kitty named Freddie Mercury.

The end.

So, I've been quite busy lately. I wish I even knew what I've been doing. It's honestly mostly been work.

I'm pretty proud of myself. This week and next week the actual main teacher of my classroom is gone, which leaves me and the other regular TA. Seeing as she will be gone tomorrow, Monday, and Tuesday I sort of jumped in and took control. Tuesday was this horrible hideous day because Monday went so smoothly we weren't expecting that to happen. So I started thinking, tweaked the schedule a little bit and added some things and it has calmed down the classroom quite a lot. We actually haven't really had any incidents at all and everyone seems to be enjoying themselves. It makes me realize going to grad school for this isn't going to be a waste of time because I feel really good about how this week is going.
The higher ups in the school are kind of frustrating this week though. The classroom I work in is pretty much the most difficult in the school because of the combination of students. The majority of the kids (whom I love dearly no matter what) tend to be slightly aggressive or have very extreme behaviors. We've been talking until our faces turned blue all year about how something needs to be done. They now take the time right before the school year is over and the teacher is gone to start poking around. They're basically making concerned faces and not doing anything. Really helpful...

Either way this week has been going well for the most part.

I've been seeing a chiropractor recently. I'm not really sure if it's helping but the first 5 minutes after an appointment I usually feel pretty awesome so that's good.

Hm... nothing all that much else really.
Back on my ridiculous diet of no gluten/sugar/dairy etc. etc. because my AS has progressed a lot. Blaghraldkasdjf.
The end.

visited 12 states (24%)
Create your own visited map of The United States or another interesting project

Eh, I wanted to see.
Anyways.
I want to do some yoga.

So, one of the students in the high school area of where I work passed away this week. Some of the kids there are higher risks for this, but this just wasn't one of those cases. I knew him since I've been there for so long, but didn't work with him. He was a great kid.

Ever since then I've kind of gone a little extra spazztastic. It may be a lack of sleep, the extreme stress of that situation, watching everyone else around me be so upset, lack of sleep, god knows what... but I'm kind of snapping. It could be that my fucking brother was the only person ever in the world to not call me or wish me Happy Birthday and he was the only one I wanted to hear from. Fucker. That's just because my goddamn brother always has a huge influence over me even though I don't want him to. Fucking A.

Anyway. Yeah. Fuck.

Waiting to be picked up so I can go to Maine for Dee's graduation. Don't get me wrong, I have a million things to do. I just don't want to do any of it. The past few weeks have been nothing but me going back and forth to places and I'm exhausted.

Anyway, I'm procrastinating.
( A whole lot of nothing )

I know I should be doing more important things... any minute now.

So today was a much better day than yesterday. Yesterday I wanted to die from having to use that diet on my student. Today he is getting used to it and it's actually doing him a world of good. I've never seen him this calm and focused and his seizures are decreasing. I was so giddy all day from it. He's still a little jumpy. I don't think he liked being in the hospital and I can't really blame him. I'm just glad this wasn't for nothing.

In other news I saw Ivonne today! It was actually quite a surprise. I was about to leave work and she told me she was across the street so I went and sat with her. Then we went on adventures because she was kind enough to drive me home. There was some crazy accident blocking Comm Ave so we took a guess detour and it amazingly worked out. I was like "I'm pretty sure this is Mass Ave now..." and I was correct! Wooo! So that was fun and now she knows she can get to my place so that's double good.

Nothing else really except... ( I love me and my cousin )

I do not like having to shove food and water down my student's throat.
I also really do not like that I know it's for his own good and safety.
I wish there was a magic button to fix all their problems sometimes.

Today was no good.
Bad flare day.
Makes everything else a lot harder.

Grumble grumble
bitch bitch

This is really late for me to be up lately. Yet, I'm very awake. I just made 3 CDs.
One for my classroom because I make CDs for my class because it's fun to have good musics.
One Regina Spektor compilation for my coworker/friend because she has recently discovered her and I like to promote artists I enjoy.
One final one for Mary's birthday. Huzzah! (That one is my favorite)

On top of this I've been singing Three Dog Night's Joy to the World and puttering around my room. I still have a lot to do before I head back methuen/dracut way for the weekend. I'm pretty pumped about birthday celebrations.
My little bitty cousin is going to be 18!! FTW!!!

One of my students made me smile a ridiculous amount today. He was so happy. Yeeee!

In conclusion:
Yep.

Yet another one of my friends has a serious autoimmune issue. What the hell?

Schedule of my weekend:
Visiting her in the next hour at Beth Isreal
Coming home and laundry/packing like a maniac
Going home early tomorrow and getting my hair done
Coming back into Boston with Mary and Dee to visit Cole again
Going back home and hopefully passing out
Spending my Sunday in some way until I leave
California!

This of course really means I go to work and because I haven't had my meds in over a month I'm so exhausted that I can't function after.
I'm very frustrated by this. I'm frustrated because I physically can't function without these goddamn meds and because I could fix this with a phone call but wont. Don't ask me why I wont. That's for the workings of my inner consciousness to figure out.

I have this hideous cold from my students. Yaaay... That made this week even more difficult along with getting my ass kicked on a daily basis. It's been a rough week and I'm literally limping and covered in bruises.
I'm strangely happy despite this. I like how I take abuse from my students all day but love them so much it doesn't matter. I feel like we make so much progress with them the rough spots are worth working through.
I'll be leaving for California on Sunday with a very long layover in Philly so I have obtained a hotel room since it is at night. I'm really excited to see my niece, but don't think I'll handle saying goodbye all that well.

I don't have much to say right now because I really am exhausted. I'd be in my bed except I'm waiting for Alex to come by to pick up my security deposit for the apartment since I wont be here when it's due monday.


Just one more day of work and I'm on vacation! Huzzah!

I don't know what's up at the moment. I'm just kind of trying not to fall asleep. I'm not feeling so well at the moment. It was a strange day. Not good or bad, just kind of tiring.

I've been absolutely starving lately. I've been wondering why, but then I was thinking about it and I burn around 1,000 of the calories I take in in a day at work. That's not even counting the fact that I walk everywhere and yoga on top of it. So I guess it makes sense that I'm starving. It's kind of annoying though. I don't have time to be hungry.

I'm waiting for water to boil. I want some tea. One of my students wasn't feeling well today, and I'm kind of afraid I might have gotten what he had. Maybe it wasn't a good idea, but he was so sick so I was holding him. Last thing I need is a 103 degree fever, but he was just so miserable and he always feels better when he's near someone. I'm hoping his mom will keep him home tomorrow, but you never know. A lot of the time with our kids the parents have to go to work and know we'll take good care of them.

I get to babysit another one of my students tomorrow. It's a good way to make a little extra money. Speaking of money, I'm on the lookout for a second job. Just inquired about a cafe position. Not my ideal choice, but if it pays enough I wouldn't mind. I kind of miss being a barista. It was just the damn management that made things miserable at BN.

Nothing else is really up lately. Spring is really trying to pull through, but it's kind of failing. That's okay, it will be here soon enough.
I'm going to go try and be active and not pass out. If I nap it messes up my whole sleep schedule.

So, it's been a while since I've updated. I've been surprisingly busy.

I'm about to be a lot busier. I need a second job badly and am on the search for one. I'm not going to take just anything though. I can't afford too. So as long as I have the one job, I'm going to take my time finding a second job that will pan out in the long run.

I found an apartment for the fall. It's a 4 bedroom in a really good location. It's in the basement, which I don't like, but it's high enough that the sun gets in. After the search I've been doing I really was at my wit's end. It's one of the biggest apartments we've seen and a decent enough price. We can also do a lot with the place, so I'm excited.

I've been walking home from work on the nice days lately. Today being one of them. It's about a 3 mile walk, but it's nice. I took the more direct route by BU today, and was not a fan. It was annoying actually. I'll go another way from now on. It's a little longer, but a much more enjoyable time.

Not really sure what else is up. Been kind of down lately because I haven't been sleeping and different things have been going wrong. Nothing horrible, but the exhaustion makes it all seem worse. Yesterday I ended up almost crying to one of the nuns that offers catholic services to the kids that want it. I went to pick up one of my students and just happened to be at the height of my frustration and I was all, "WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!" I feel bad because she was so shocked. haha. It all seems quite silly today.
My eye kind of hurts because one of my kids almost gouged it out today. Herm...

Nothing else right now I guess. I'm kind of just taking a break from having walked all that way. I kind of want to clean my room, but don't feel like moving quite yet.
It's beautiful outside, but rather chilly in my room.

So Friday I did go out to see my friends Poetry reading in Porter Square and went to her house to celebrate her birthday after. It was crowded with people I don't know, but I had some of my other friends their and even a friend I haven't seen in a while. This was all nice and fun, but the great part is that I was back home by 11! Maybe a little later but not by much.

Yesterday I went apartment searching with Erika for a little bit (with no luck). After that we met up with some other friends and at the most ridiculous sandwich of our lives. It was basically just meat...on top of meat...with cheese. This is actually a disgusting thought but it was funny at the time. It was all I ate yesterday and I'm still full. I think I'll be full all through today too. Then my lovely friend who has a car brought me home because she's wonderful like that. That was about at 4 and I spent the rest of the day just doing nothing by myself! Some of my friends wanted to hang out, but I'm just not in the mood. I'm not in the mood today either. The childrens were more in my personal space than usual this week and I'm kind of tired of people being near and/or touching me. The person who is the actual teacher of the classroom I'm in was saying how she thinks everyone can fit onto the autism spectrum, and I kind of don't disagree with her. I feel like if someone touched me right now I'd flip out.

It's snowing now. Like hell I'm going anywhere today. I'm going to stay in my room (and my wonderfully quiet apartment because my roommate is gone) and clean and watch TV and do nothing. The past few weekends...or many weekends... have consisted of running around about Boston and pouring myself into bed early in the morning. That is very fun, but I haven't been on any medication in over 2 weeks and my body is crashing. The fatigue I can usually control is all I feel. Yaaaay... I don't know why I don't just call my doctor to get more refills. It's like I'm subconsciously avoiding it. I know I hate pills, but damn I feel like hell.

This week should be fun despite the snow. I'm going to look at another apartment this week. I'm hoping I don't like it too much because there's a good chance I can lose it since it's spring break for Northeastern and everyone is kind of gone at the moment. That would make signing for it a little difficult... herm...
Also Friday is my Papas birthday and one of my students birthday!!!!!! Baking extravaganza!!! I'm going to make cupcakes for class and 7 layer bars for Papa because he's already going to have a cake and he loves those. I usually make him cranberry bread but I left my bread pan at home.

I don't know what else is up. I'm going to go be lazy.

I'm not sure what today was. What was that?

I'll start with the good part of last night. I saw George Clinton with Parliament. That was pretty sweet and worth the exhaustion I suffered before/during/after the show. I really am like 80 years old.


Anyway, today was actually fine this morning. One of my students didn't want to walk inside so that was a little frustrating. Actually, this morning started going horribly wrong. I think it's just fuzzy now. The whole day just slowly spiraled downward. It was one of those days where I had to use every muscle in my body repeatedly. One of my students was completely out of control and trying to hold him so he wont hurt anyone is like fighting with a bull. You're trying to keep him steady and he's thrashing everywhere. I don't enjoy that when a few of our students act out it takes all three of our attention and that means we have to stop whatever classroom activity we're trying to do. At the end of the day I have several arm injuries from being scratched, I twisted my back, and it feels like I've sprained my foot. How? I have on idea. It just kills. On top of this all my muscles are screaming from all the lifting we've had to do. I'm not even going to get into some of the other behavioral issues I had to deal with.
It's just frustrating because this week was going well and I was trying really hard all day to keep it together. All in all some days just aren't meant to go the way you want them. I just wish it didn't have to involve so much injury.

This is all okay though. This weekend is going to be really good.
I will also hopefully have an apartment roped down next week.
Yaaay...
I'm tired.
And am going to be a pet rock as I just told Ivonne.

I can't really put a word to it. It's not sad, but it's closer to sad than happy. Slightly nostalgic, but not really. I don't actually think there is a word for this.

It's snowing. I am not happy about this. It just means I'm going to have to walk around in it tomorrow. It originally started as rain and I was so happy about that. I miss rain right now. I want it to be spring.

I just watched Practical Magic. I think I might watch it again until I fall asleep. I don't usually like watching movies repeatedly, but this one is a favorite for good reasons. It reminds me of good times.
I figured I'd be asleep by now since I babysat for one of my kids last night. He didn't sleep at all, so therefore neither did I. I'm strangely awake now though.

As far as apartment hunting is going, Erika and I have found a place we just can't get our supposed roommates to get their acts together. I need them to figure out what they're doing this week.

Not much else to say. I was on break for a week and I miss work. As difficult as it is lately, I miss being there. I'm excited to go back tomorrow.
Humdeedum

That's all for now.

Got tackled last night. It was supposed to be a hug that turned into a tackle really. I went down and my head went right into the side of a futon. Yaaaaaaaay mild concussion!

My head hurts. =(
It was really friggen funny though.

But it's not.
Damnit.

Is it spring yet? It's supposed to snow next week and I think I may cry. I love love love LOVE the winter, but this is the point where I'm just done. I don't want to wear a coat anymore. I'm sick of shoes. Give me sandals PLEAAAAAAAASE!

So, I'm on my schools February break right now. I am going in Tuesday to help the school psychologist with some things. She's cool so it will be good. I've had a really nice weekend so far. I kind of just want time for myself today, but it doesn't seem like that's going to happen. I love my friends, but I haven't had down time for myself in a while. I just want to putter around my room, listen to music, and watch movies and not have to go anywhere. I don't know. Maybe wednesday I can do that.

I have a whole list of things I want to get done with my time off this week. Finding a second job and an apartment are top of the list, obviously. After that it's a lot of spring cleaning type things. I'm pretty psyched about it actually. I'm going to clean out my closets and go through all my clothes and such. I need to get rid of things!

I hope that people can't see in my window during the day... Herm... I'm pretty sure the sun keeps that from happening.

And a final note: My brother informed me he will not be moving home. At all. I think every time I see my niece and have to say goodbye for months I may die a little. I can't actually handle this at all, so I'm ignoring until I can process it. I tried to process it yesterday and it ended up with me having a nervous breakdown. Thank goodness for Mary being around. But yeah... Baby steps.

So, I'm broke. Yaaay... I was going to go food shopping tomorrow but I'm going to see if I can stretch my brown rice until next week. I'll just keep eating lunch with the kids at work and hopefully that will get me through. I mean honestly all I did today was eat at work.
I like how I am broke, but this evening I bought Jaws, all 3 Jurassic Parks, and Gremlins. Granted, they were all used and super cheap, but I don't have that friggen money. Either way, that made me happy. I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do about my money situation right now. I'll figure it out. It sucks, but I'm not going to stress over it. I'm a college kid. I'm supposed to be broke.

Work was really good today. There were very few stressful things that happened. Either that or I'm coping with the new level of extreme stress that has been happening every day. I think that might be it.
Scary moment of the day: It was the morning and I was sitting with one of my students before school started. He was playing and I was drinking my coffee. I'm sitting across the room and from the hallway I hear my coworker scream my name followed by our other student's angry screaming. I bolt out of the room to find him attached to her leg trying to claw and bite her. yaay... It's a little strange, but I'm kind of just used to that now. It was her screaming that freaked me out. I think it was just too early in the day for anyone to process it.

I'm going to go relax now. I'm really tired and will probably be asleep in about a half an hour.

So this week was hell.
I discovered that I actually do not make enough to not have a second job. As soon as I got home, I applied for a nanny position that I hope I get.
I'm freezing and tired, but I shall go bowling with my friends soon.

I honestly don't know what I'm babbling on about.
I want to cry. Was I hit by a bus and not informed?

I just had the best sushi of my life.
Also, I bought an obnoxiously purple purse.

It was a good night.